fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
