I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Holy sore nipples Batman
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
