worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
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