Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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