so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
