Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
