She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
