so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
