The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
