last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
