If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
