He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
