i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
