you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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