I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
