i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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