YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize