someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
