In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
