i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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