So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
