I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
