I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no you cant smoke seaweed
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I need a burrito and a hug.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
