if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
