Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
