Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You were trust falling into bushes
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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