At least make sure they are 18
Why
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
