mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
