you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
nutella sex= disaster
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize