I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Can I color on your dick again?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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