Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Still dying that you shit outside
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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