Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just had sex bonerless
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
