the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Randomize
