ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
