Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
