i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
