How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i drank out of a bidet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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