i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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