I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
