You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
