If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
