hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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