Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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