I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
