whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
