In the future we'll all be gay
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
