I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
