I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
