I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I want is dick and wine.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
