So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she told me i tasted like america
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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