Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
