You just made me feel so damn special
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
