I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
