Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
