i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Randomize
