And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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