i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
