he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
