If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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