On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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