I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
