im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
