I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
