I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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