I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
