It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
