I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
