this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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