sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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