I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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