Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
