This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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