At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
