Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
