how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
